I am very familiar with all of the common fears that rule our lives, but the fear of CRITICISM has been crippling to me. It took over my mind at a very early age. I grew up in what I would consider to be a very loving home. Both of my parents always worked together & loved each other dearly till death they did part. We were just normal, loved, well-cared-for children. One of my brothers & I were 18 months apart in age. We both suffered with Middle Child Syndrome. We were the 3rd & 4th of 5 children.
One of our aunts was a school teacher, and her assignment one summer in continuing education was to study an accentric child through as many settings as possible. Unaware to me, she became my sidekick that summer at every outing & at home. Upon evaluation, she labeled me with Middle Child Syndrome, a debilitating trap for me. Her assessment was that the 2 older siblings were brilliant, funny & very outgoing. My brother who was closest in age to me banged pots & pans to be heard. Our younger sister made sure her presence was always made known, and she was not to be outdone in anything. I was the wallflower, the one in pictures with wet pants. I didn't talk much for the fear of being called out on something I said because it was almost certain to be wrong. When my aunt put my hair in pigtails or a ponytail, I remember vividly crying because my scalp was so tender. Our parents loved us all the same, but there was just not much time for one-on-one or to probably even be aware as to how to handle a special one like me. Oh, they cared as much as any parent could, but I don't think they knew the pain I suffered.
With age and practice, you normally learn to deal with life as it comes, and I did. Until I married Randy, at the age of 30, I still struggled, but to a lesser degree. I learned to hide my feelings & overcame some. Madly in love, I was blinded to the fact that his family was absolutely loving, but not the nurturing kind as mine was. They, ALL BEING GREEN PERSONALITIES, were ruthless when it came to my BLUE PERSONALITY. They weren't fond of my timidity, lack of direction, scatterbrained thinking, tenderheartedness, and that I wore my feelings on my sleeve. I allowed them to put me in survival mode, and that helped me to come out of myself. I knew my worth in Christ Jesus, and worked through the chatter in my mind.
If it hadn't been for Randy & his family, I would not have been prepared to take on the struggles of our dry cleaning business. Shortly after we acquired the business, through the pressures of owning a business, and dealing with employees and customers, I began to flourish and to accept myself even more. It was during that time that I began to think I was ADD. I praise God today to realize, through my amazing mentoring group, that I am probably just a wonderful GREEN PERSONALITY, and that I am working my way to an even better way of life through 100% acceptance with all of you, and through my self talk, and through my Think & Grow Rich Lessons. I am so thankful that The Lord led me here! Now I'm BLUER THAN BLUE and very happy in my mess! AND I'M GROWING EVERY DAY!
If you want my lesson to be read, please ask someone else to read it. Please don't ask me to read it because I don't want to cry/sob. It is through this lesson that I just realized that I still need to heal the hurts in my heart & in my mind. I know how to go to The Lord to do that & I will.... Sad tears & a lump in my throat.... :-(