Ben Drake West Ryde, NSW, Australia
When You fear losing a person that is what emotion a person picks up on. That when You fear losing someone's love You project that into Your own life pushing them away. You may do anything to attempt to keep that person within Your own life, the only issue is that You end up with that person moving away or leaving. Fear is what is used to be keep a person under control and it also stops us from living the life of our dreams, this is the chapter that first started on when started with the mental cleanse and it’s been where I have needed to do the most work. Stopping letting those fears run MY own life.
I AM also needing to work on the fear of Criticism which has been a very big area of own life, stopping being concerned about what others are going to say and just going out there and doing what I AM wanting to do. Being unconcerned about the opinions of family members who are unsuccessful that keep on knocking others and their efforts or letting fear run their lives with what they say.
When You fear making friend's owing to past hurts You make no true genuine friends as that fear stops You from being who You are as a person. It also repels those who want to be a genuine friend from You as a person. You may be the most loving caring person, however, fear of getting used by friends again or losing that love again truly stops You.
Throughout own life that fear has been a huge issue and its run own life. It's also been feeling that I AM able to be a wonderful friend and that I AM safe, that there is no one out there wanting to hit, punch me for any reason at all. For many years, that's what happened as it was what came to expect.
I came to expect physical violence as that was all that knew. I came to expect pain from friends as that was all I knew, the same with love. It just so happened to be the same with own health that drove me away from what loved and wanted to do.
I stopped going to amusement parks owing to fear of becoming worse health wise. I kept that dream of foster care and adoption to myself, being so scared about a family member’s reaction to Your request. I even stopped asking for help from family as was too scared of their reaction and hearing them screaming as had asked for help, to borrow a car.
Fear also stopped me from speaking up owing to those who are truly bullies more than anything else. They would tear someone else down to make themselves feel big, always had to be right. It stopped me from speaking up against the guys who Were pinching, punching and hitting at school. I would keep quite or stop expressing what believed just to keep the peace or to please someone else owing to the fear of that person's reaction, MY father screaming shut up when attempting to talk about what I believe in with MY sister which kept on turning into an argument.
That kind of fear is what stops You from saying this is How I AM eating and when You speak up You get the “I don’t do healthy speech”. The speech when You are talking with someone who Says “X and I have enough money to leave and get our own place. But You don’t”. That is when there is true fear, it’s being pushed upon someone else. They turn around attempting to control the situation or get You to confirm and get back in their little box. The box which fits into their mould of who they expect You are as a person.
Everybody knows someone who has attempted to get someone to fit back into their little box, that box which they had put them into. The box and mould which fits into their life, the person fears what the one who they are wanting to control is going to do. I AM just curious is that the type of life You want to live, hearing someone who constantly knocks what You say, hearing them talking about family members poorly, believes their right, screaming at You for asking for help just because it’s an inconvenience or something may go wrong, even because they just want to be left alone. They are unwilling to lend a hand.
It’s different from the life I AM wanting to live, its taken many years just to work on conquering these fears. Realizing that its truly None of MY own business what anyone else has to say all that matters is what I think of myself. Michael’s saying of “Its none of MY business what anyone else thinks of me what is MY business is what I think of myself.” Is a big saying that needs to be applied regularly.
There are those who are needing help, it may not be until they are ready that they will get their help. It’s far from the life that I AM wanting to live, that life filled with love, fun, laughter, and friends. Yes, there is that chance that there will be pain there, however, it's knowing that I AM able to achieve those goals that set for myself and that it's that person's reality rather that MY own reality. What’s holding You back from those goals and dreams, it's time to work towards that home on the Gold Coast of QLD and being that Ben that Can be. Being that Ben who always dreamed of being.
That guy who loves the amusement parks enjoys a healthy life, loves his wife and wants to be out there helping who he can to live a better life as a person. Knowing that I AM able to go on all those amusement park rides and will be ok, knowing that I AM able to be a wonderful friend and it’s ok, that I AM living the life of MY own dreams, rather than listening to some else's junk or fear about a situation.
Thank You to the amazing wonderful loving and caring mentors could ask for Michael and Linda Dlouhy, To Ken Klemm MY personal mentor thank You for Your own ongoing guidance love and support.
Your friend for life,
We love and appreciate You,
West Ryde NSW Australia